Visual Podcast-Back to Sudan as a country director

Mustafa: This time you were on route to Sudan as country director, not a humble volunteer.
Tobias: This was in the summer of 2001. I went back to England to be with my parents as I did every summer. The organization I worked for operated in an old-fashioned way in that they provided a grant for me to buy all the essentials which I would need during my next posting. For example, the kitchenware which we use in Holland today, I bought them during that summer in preparation for my life and work in Sudan.

A few days before having to travel to Sudan, I was just finishing up on some last shopping for shirts and so forth. I was in a mall in Bristol at the time. All of a sudden everything went eerily quiet. It actually felt reminiscent to the feeling I got when I was at the location of a terrorist attack in Yemen in a basement, with no idea what had just happened upstairs. People were gathering in front of TV screen and airplanes had just crashed into skyscrapers in New York City.

Mustafa: It’s amazing how an event in New York made a mall in Bristol go quiet. Do you think a mall in New York went quiet when the London Underground bombings happened a few years later?

Tobias: I think it was the sheer scale of it. Living in the UK, terrorism was never out of the picture of daily life. There were often bombs on busses or trash bins. Headlines about Irish Republican Army attacks in the UK were commonplace throughout my life. However, planes into skyscrapers looked so otherworldly. The optics were so striking that it did feel like such a gamechanger.

Mustafa: You had already lived in areas of the underdeveloped world where large-scale violence which left many people victimized was never far off. How did that affect your own reaction to news of September 11?

Tobias: In 2001, 24-hour news channels had been a new invention as far as I knew. The first time I saw the news, it was very shocking. After that it felt like it was a long way away and the same news kept getting repeated. It became easy to obsess over the same headline.

I found myself deciding to fly to Sudan 3 days later nonetheless as this was the first major job promotion I was receiving. Of course, with all the chaos at international airports, my connecting flight was cancelled and my luggage was all lost. It did turn up later with a few bits and pieces missing.

As far as assessing the political and emotional reaction to 9/11. Even many years later, I was confused with the reaction of my American acquaintances. The attack in New York does seem to have implanted the notion of ‘protecting the country from the evils outside.’ One time I was in the company of an American mutual friend, and upon hearing of all the places I lived in, she had a very anti-Middle-East attitude despite not having any experience with regular people from that part of the world. I don’t think that people in any other country would have embedded in them as much a fear of the outside world as 9/11 caused to the American psyche.

Mustafa: When 9/11 happened, I was in junior high school. I remember watching the footage, and to me it was no different to footage of destruction that was on the news every day. When I grew up a little I realized that what was different about that footage was that the location was what was most consequential. Such violence seemed commonplace in the part of the world where I was born, however when it was New York that witnessed it, I realized that the entire political and social history of the Middle East was changing.

I believe that the fear which you speak of that 9/11 generated in the US gave pretext to people in power to exercise surveillance, question freedoms, and make people obsess about identity politics. Thereafter, so much money was spent in an illegal war in Iraq which killed millions. It strikes me as bizarre - but also expected - why there isn’t more attention in the American political discourse about problems that kill more Americans than international identity politics and the related violence. I mean by that their poor healthcare system or their problems with gun violence. I suppose this ties into a conversation about following the money in US politics and the effect that has on what makes it into the public political discourse.

In international politics, it is safe to say that decisions made in Washington affect how every other country behaves.

Tobias: I would agree with the statement that American decisions abroad affected how other governments behaved. A decision by the US government demands a stance from every European government, be it one of distancing or accord. In all cases a stance has to be taken. An American decision is never in a vacuum. For a small example, in Pakistan if the Americans decided to restrict entry to the beach, the next question in mind was always if the UK was going to follow suit for its own citizens. Later when I worked in Syria, if the US took a stance towards the Syrian government then the next question was always what we were going to hear from the UK embassy about this.

Mustafa: I’m sure that our opinions can be challenged and this conversation can be further enriched by more diversity in opinion. Nowadays the US power seems to be challenged by growing powers, namely China, and international politics seem more confusing than ever with the fragmentation of news narratives and the diversity in information. In addition to that, so much misinformation with real-world consequences in behaviour of people and voters is now the new normal of disarray.

In any case we are here to explore and find inspiration in your cross-borders nomadic life, so let’s get back to that. Let’s not forget that despite the chaos of international headlines, there is still the Earth with its people and their genuine stories. Tell me about how you went back to Sudan.

Tobias: Towards the end of September, regular international flights resumed. I landed in Khartoum and stayed at a guesthouse which I had been in years back. It belonged to some sort of an NGO. Thereafter, I moved into the director’s residence. It was a beautiful old Sudanese villa; a colonial villa from the 60s I suppose you could call it.

Mustafa: That’s quite a step up from a little old hut in a village in the middle of nowhere in Northern Sudan the first time you were in Sudan. That must have felt like coming full circle with regard to your career: to go back to Sudan in the shoes of someone very different than the person who landed in Khartoum decades prior.

Tobias: Yeah it really felt so different. This time around I had my own staff: cleaners and security guards, a gardener and a person who came in daily to sweep the garden. It felt a bit otherworldly.

Mustafa: Such a funny fact of existence, isn’t it? You were born to a humble family who had to switch lifestyles for economic reasons. Nevertheless, you were born in a country which happened to be the result of a long history of accrued national wealth, in addition to diplomatic and military might. This led you into a chance for hard work in a career whereby within a couple of decades or so, you found yourself with access to material wealth in an underdeveloped country.

Tobias: Yes, the only reason I had such amenities is for working for the organization. Within a week of arriving in Sudan, I found myself required to host a reception attended by the upper echelons of local and expatriate high society personalities. I had to shake hands with so many important and influential people, and it was such social circles which were causing a severe culture shock now.

Mustafa: Here you were, witnessing all these internationally powerful players, entities and individuals playing out their games.

Tobias: It was at that point that I realized that my job now was more than just merely my job description. The kind of prestige which my position offered me created a sense of responsibility in me. With the kind of access which I was granted, I could really make a difference through the sort of projects that I led. The change I was in the position of creating in real people’s lives could be either very positive, and mistakes could do real damage.

Mustafa: It sounds like a new era in your career progression. Of course, the absurdity of the facts of international human power relations was there to witness, but a genuine effect on people’s lives was now a responsibility that you could utilize to practice your values which you believed in in terms of cultural exchange and human development.

Tobias: Absolutely, I felt empowered to support actual people in creating demonstrative change for the better. I set out developing programs to support people in the fields of arts on one hand, and governance and rule of law on the other hand. My experience really cemented my view of the importance of cultural exchange in international relations: the layers of human existence beneath the outer appearance of states interacting on the international arena.

Mustafa: You use the term ‘rule of law.’ That implies liberal democratic values. Did your organization conduct its activities from the basic assumption that democracy was superior to other forms of governance?

I am attempting to factor in the actions of internationally powerful entities in underdeveloped countries: the ones who may originate or be headquartered in liberal democracies, but whose conduct may undermine democratic values in the locations where they make profits.

Tobias: To me the term ‘rule of law’ in those days implied speaking about human rights above all, without outright using the term ‘human rights.’ In those days the term ‘human rights’ had negative linguistic connotations in Arabic, whereas ‘rule of law’ implied a sense of professionalism, which in turn had connotations of respecting individuals.

Mustafa: What was your mission statement then? why were you in Sudan?

Tobias: I saw my job in building cultural bridges between cultures and peoples. We were politically non-aligned to any party. Funding did partly come from central government, but not much of it fairly-speaking. Much of our money came through begging and borrowing. We collected some money through teaching and exams, and the rest came from local sponsorships.

With small budgets we were able to pursue lofty goals. Examples of our work were when we invited experts from the internationally-acclaimed Bar Human Rights Committee of England and Wales to conduct training with judges and prosecutors in Sudan for free. The people who offered their expertise would stay in my place of residence for free, and I would have my household staff to look after their needs.

Mustafa: You felt that your access and position contributed to the human development in the justice sector among others, then.
Tobias: Yes. In addition to trainings in human rights legislation in the justice system, we had projects such as one where international inspectors would be invited to report on the state of prisons in the country. This was done with regard to compliance to basic human rights.

Another project was in cooperation with a local NGO to create opportunities in the field of art therapy with female prisoners. It had so much meaning to me to see the prisoners be granted the chance to leave the prison premises to come and see their work displayed and acknowledged at an exhibition in our organization. I have in my collection a piece of collage art created by a female prisoner which I acquired from that exhibition.

What we could achieve with such little money and much commitment to our values was amazing. The kind of connections and access which a cultural organization like the one I worked for can have when run appropriately is amazing. There reason for that being that we were non-political, non-threatening so as to create platforms for dialogue between people.

Mustafa: It can sometimes be difficult to distance oneself from politics though, no? perhaps from local politica?
Tobias: Unforeseen political tensions did sometimes become unavoidable. You ask about backlash from local politics against a British organization, but the example that comes to mind is actually the other way around. One time a female Sudanese judge who had undergone training through a project organized by us ended up on a British radio program speaking about her experience. Suddenly we started getting complaints and correspondence from liberal British public societies accusing us of supporting a dictatorial regime in Sudan.

Mustafa: From where you were sitting, it was a sign of progress in Sudan for a female judge to make it as far as she did, let alone in the field of human rights. This is not to say that feminism has achieved its objectives in England, but the existence of the Sudanese judge did constitute a noteworthy leap for human development in Sudan.

Tobias: Exactly. Cultural exchange creates a space for dialogue. It is easy to condemn and cut relations from afar, but it takes actual sweat and tears to realize change for the better.

This experience was an eye-opener for me with regard to the politics of it all. I hadn’t before thought about my work as creating backlash and accusations of supporting foreign regimes. This repeated itself later when I worked in Syria. People accused us of working with Assad, the dictator there, whereas I found myself working alongside individuals whose purpose was to further the same values which I believed in.

There was an incident one time when I felt very stressed. I spoke in front of a Sudanese lawyer expressing my frustration with the backlash against our work. I wondered as to why we are doing all of this, when it didn’t seem to make progress or materialize change in the dictatorial system in Sudan. His response stuck with me for years and I will remember it always. He said that the platform I was providing was what created a recognition for his plight. He said words to the effect of: If organizations like yours did not do the work that they do, I as a Sudanese Lawyer would be behind bars right now. You are keeping me out of jail.

I shall remember that encounter till I die. It was a confirmation that dialogue spaces and doors need to remain open so that regular well-meaning people are catered a platform at least.

Mustafa: Things are never solidly black and white in international relations. Complex structures of human interaction on such scales can create spaces for moral dilemmas. Even when a group of immigrants, as it were, decide to start a society to operate in a liberal democracy, they have to conform to the law of the land. The fact that the communities you worked with happened to find themselves born in less-than-free countries, you were in a position to identify that they didn’t deserve to be condemned in a blanket-statement against their country or national origin.

You did not need to lose sleep over conduct of powerful international entities whose profits were made against a price in human suffering, though. You sole purpose was cultivating intercultural dialogue and human development. Of course, you also had your own career progression to think about.

Tobias: I did sometimes find myself in settings where I felt uncomfortable navigating moral ambiguities. I don’t know if I was making a big deal of it in my head. For example, one time I was expected to attend a reception held by the ambassador in honor of peace talks between rebel leaders in Darfur with the central government in Khartoum. I had to shake hands with individuals known to have blood on their hands.

Mustafa: In any case, the more powerful an international entity is, be it a state or otherwise, the more likely the presence of moral ambiguities in fraternizing (or just dealing) with individuals representing it.
I can understand that sometimes you found yourself in settings beyond your control where you felt that you did not want to be there, but for what it’s worth, you seem to have tried to do your job with integrity.

This is after all a personal story, and there is only so much that you could do. Perhaps no single individual has the ability to change the physical or social world, and this ties into the absurdity that I mentioned earlier about a ‘game’ of international relations, the rules of which don’t seem to be designed by humanity itself. Let’s leave it to mathematicians to discover or invent a theory which attempts to explain human behaviour on such scales. That or perhaps mystics that can achieve some sort of awareness or clarity of the truth of such so-far unanswerable questions.

On a very different note, since this story is about your personal development and career progression, how was your personal life in Sudan? Did you date anyone?

Tobias: I briefly dated an American guy who worked for an NGO, but that was about it. Social life was brilliant, nevertheless; really good fun! We travelled around the country and saw stunning scenery. I also significantly improved my communication skills in Arabic through social interactions which my job and position provided the opportunity for.

Mustafa: Very interesting! So as alluded to earlier, your travels of working in different locations were not predetermined. Between every two postings, you basically found out less than 6 months prior about the location of your next posting. That meant that you had that much time to research and prepare for the next place you found yourself in during the course of your nomadic career.
What was the next place you went to?

Tobias: I went to Syria and stayed there between 2003 and 2008.